Bleeding Pain
by not done baking
Summary: mid New Moon. Edward has left and Bella finds only one way to deal. DARK. mature content, but no language or sex. complete. repost.
1. Part One

**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own anything here. I'm sure you can figure out who owns them. c: Unless you don't recognize it and I don't give credit for it… then I own it. _

_this is being reposted _

**WARNING: **contains cutting, if your sensative to that- don't read it.

_** All grammatical errors are made on purpose and with a point.  
**_

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_Playlist._  
**Break My Fall, **Breaking Benjamin**  
Had Enough, **Breaking Benjamin**  
Until the End,** Breaking Benjamin**  
Evil Angel, **Breaking Benjamin**  
One Step Closer, **Linkin Park**  
Breaking The Habit, **Linkin Park**  
Prayer of Saint Francis, **Sarah McLachlan**  
Absence Of Fear, **Jewel**  
Behind the Blue Eyes, **The Who**  
In the Darkness, **Mackenzie Phillips

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**Bleeding Pain; Part One  
**

He was gone. All my doubts and fears were proven true; Edward didn't love me and never had. Those nights he held me close, the sweet nothings he whispered in my ear, his breath dazzling me… the nights his family played baseball, the wonderful summer he had given me… it was all a lie. Even him saving me from James was part of the façade. Was the rest of his family in on the game as well? I could only assume so; why would they leave as well?

They had played the game so well, but Jasper messed up and ended the game early. How long had Edward intended to carry on the charade? How had he intended for it to end? Would he have given into his thirst and drank me dry or would he show me some courtesy and have changed me?

And if Edward didn't love me, did I want to me immortal? I didn't want to live behind a mask for eternity, not if my one true love wasn't with me.

And I didn't have a true love anymore. He had ripped my heart out and left it muddied in the woods.

And I could never get it back. What was the point? Even if the memories and feelings were false they were still there and I would always remember them, whether I wanted to or not. They would be there as a constant reminder of false happiness and how stupid I was for falling for Edward's charms.

I knew that I could never love again. Didn't someone once say that a life without love is no life at all?

What I was experiencing certainly couldn't be life. If a breeze blew by I was sure I would feel it echo inside of me like a hallow cave.

This was _not_ life. It hurt too much, funny how being numb can be so painful.

And yet it would be all too easy to end the pain.

People did it all the time, people like me, people who couldn't stand this numb pain. I heard about it on TV and in health class. We had all been told to talk to someone if we thought about it. But how could someone else understand what I was going through. No one could sympathize with me or talk me through this pain.

Besides, what would I tell them? Hi, I went steady with a vampire for six months and then he ripped my heart about but wasn't kind enough drain me of my blood. Now here I am, hallow and empty. What can you prescribe me?

Things would be easier on everyone if I wasn't here. Sure they would grieve at first and be sad, maybe even angry. But in the long run…

I would never recover from this pain; I would never live a normal life. Not that I had had a normal one before Edward left. By staying here I was just causing people more anguish. And I just couldn't stand for that.

There were many ways I could do this; I knew that down at First Beach there were tall and jagged cliffs. It would be final- if I hit the rocks. I could hang some rope from a rafter, I knew Edward's house had rafters. It was easy to see why I would pick there. Overdosing could be simple, but how could I get a hold of pills and how could I come up with the right combination?

I couldn't let this fail.

I had heard people joke about it in school. They would talk about family dinners and stress from finals and make morbid motions. They made little poems about it; up the road not across the street. People made fun of this.

It wouldn't be that hard to do, a kitchen knife was all I would need. It would probably hurt, but who's to say that this numb feeling would go away. Maybe my emotional pain overpowered my physical pain. Who was I kidding? Of course it did.

And even with the pain it would be over soon enough and there was definitely no way out of this one.

One cut was all it would take.

It was ironic that this was the way I would end it all; spill my blood for someone who thirsted for mine. And best of all it would be the last thing Edward would expect out of me.

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**Dedicated to beautifulnblck who unknowingly gave me the idea for this story.  
**


	2. Part Two

**Bleeding Pain, Part Two**

The knife was heavy in my hands. The sun flitting from behind the clouds glinted and glittered off the sliver. I had cut apart a steak with this knife last week.

Would it be sharp enough to cut through my own skin? Over the years objects had penetrated my skin- rocks, splinters… teeth. Surely this knife could cut through me and cut through my pain.

I sat next to my bed and traced over the scar James had given me only months ago. I could remember the feeling of Edward saving me just to break me later. The way my skin had been suctioned into his mouth and the way my veins had been pulled close as the blood was emptied from my arm. I could remember the look Edward would get on his face every time he saw the scar, I had thought he was frustrated with himself for not getting to the studio in time, but maybe he was disappointed that he had saved me at all. Maybe he wished he had gotten this burden that I was off of his shoulders more quickly.

And it clicked. That's what I was. A burden. Not only to Edward and his family, but to everyone, even my own family. If Charlie wasn't at work he was checking on me, or calling therapists, psychologists, doctors, even Mom. At some point I had come downstairs and saw the phone book open and the few numbers of hypnotists were circled. Did Charlie really think there was a cure for what I was feeling?

Oh, there was a cure all right. A very final one.

But, even before Edward I was such a burden on Charlie, he had been living a fine life her in Forks and I forced him to have a teenage daughter 24/7. When had I become such a monster?

The blood was red and dark, it was thick and yet spilled so easily out of the opened scar. I had flinched when the sharp tip pulled the cold white line of skin a part, but only out of reflex. I had been right. There was no pain, just a comfortable numb feeling.

My fingers were wet from the blood dripping over them and tight from the lack of blood inside. I gripped the rubble handle. I pushed the blade into my other arm. The line was jagged. Not only from lack of coordination with my other hand but from lack of control the blood loss caused. But the skin pulled away easily. The blood pooled slowly on the floor. I could feel my head getting dizzy, it was harder to keep my head up..

Edward, my mouth was heavy, voice weak and slurred. It was getting harder to breathe. I was blacking out, how long had it been since I made the first cut?

Five minutes?

A half hour?

More than that?

Slumped on the floor my arm near my face, the blood floating around it. Would the floor be stained after I was gone? Would that be left there as a constant reminder or would it be covered up? Would this room be locked up and left as is? Or would people rifle through my stuff trying to figure out what had led me to do this? They would find no answer, I didn't keep a diary and even if I did they would be unable to read through my chicken scratch handwriting. Would Charlie move? Would anyone want to move into the house where the beautiful but bizarre Isabella Swan lived and died?

Charlie had stayed here after Renee left. He had stayed here with the memories. Would he want to remember me or would he grieve and be sad or mad and then put me in the back of his mind and continue with his life?

Glass broke.

_Isabella!_ Oh no, I couldn't be hearing things. I felt the floor move with someone's foot steps. Oh God, I didn't want Charlie to find me like this. I didn't want him to find me alive. Was there still time to save me? How much longer did I have? I couldn't be saved. Either way I was dead. At least this way I would be free from the pain.

_Bella, sweetheart, open your eyes. It wasn't supposed to happen like this, it wasn't supposed to happen at all._

No! Edward couldn't be here. He couldn't come back here and tell me more lies.

_Oh, Bella! I didn't think you would do this. This wasn't supposed to happen._

Edward's arms were around me, my heart was pounding a rapid beat from loss of blood and from fear of Edward. Was he here to finish me off? Or was he here to tell me more lies and make these last few moments more unbearable?

My vision was blurred now, like a screen had been placed over my eyes.

Oh God, there he was. Even through my blurred vision I could see his jaw tight and eyes dark. He was in pain.

And I was glad.

He deserved to be in as much pain as I was. He deserved to die, but of course I couldn't help that. Nothing could kill a vampire, nothing human at least.

But if he wanted to sit here and pretend he cared, if he wanted to sit here and suffer through t enticing aroma my blood created, then so be it.

Maybe he would feel some guilt through out his abnormal life span. Guilt that his words and actions had ruined and ended a young girl's life.

Or maybe he wouldn't. My breath was growing shorter. Maybe this had been his goal the entire to time, to ruin my life and come back and watch me die-

he was sobbing. dry tearless sobs racked his body and mine in one single motion

_Bella, Isabella, no, sweetheart, please. Be strong enough please._

his hands were at my neck now, i could feel the pressure not the cold our temperatures were synchronized now

_I can changed you, just say the word. Oh, Bella, why?_

with the last of my strength i turned my head away from him

_Oh Bella, darling. Look at me._

_Please._

his voice was hoarse now and i was glad i was glad he was hurting himself to hurt me

it was coming soon i could tell the end would soon be here and Edward could move

on

he could find some other girl to fixate on and ruin he could tie up some over naive girl in his beautiful lies

i wish i could give them some warning tell them to stay way from the beautiful bronze haired evil angel tell them to not fall for the demon

avoid him like the flu that had brought him to his current existence

his hands touch my face limp with the final moments near

his eyes are peering into mine wishing for something

_Oh, Isabella, I love you._

guilt talks

and i look at him and take a breath

"You can't save yourself with a lie."

_It's not a lie._

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**AN:** So, does Bella die? That's really up to you. Personally, I think she does, she's really lost too much blood for the venom to be pulled through her system.

I had a few of my friends read this and one of them is rather confused, you guys do get that Edward really loves Bella and she has just convinced herself of the lie... right?


End file.
